#answering some of these questions really makes me think about how badly ace needs therapy lmao

[supermarine-silvally]

relationship asks: 40 to 50 for Portada?? emphasis on 48 bc potential Law interaction 👀👀 I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been down lovely :(( sending good vibes your way and there’s no way you can dodge them <33 -🍂

Aww thank you so much Alvita!!! I appreciate it a lot!! <33

40) What's a secret one would never tell the other?

Well, they know each other’s MAJOR secret (i.e. their parentage) and Yara also told Ace about what really went down on Phestris Island with Cipher Pol (when she acquired her Devil Fruit) so I feel like the secrets that they end up keeping from each other are really petty. Like, “I accidentally broke your favourite mug but you assumed Thatch did it and I never bothered to correct you because I didn’t want you to be mad at me”

41) If they had to spend a month apart, how would they fare?

They probably spent at least a month or more apart during Ace’s Blackbeard hunt (before the battle on Banaro Island and its, shall we say, “aftermath”) and while neither of them was happy to be apart from the other that long, they managed to cope alright. They had a piece of each other’s vivre card (Ace had folded his into the shape of a heart before he gave it to her) and could see that the other was doing well through that, and they wrote letters back and forth the whole time. Ace sent Yara a bunch of goodies from his travels, too. Mostly stuff he stole for her.

42) If someone else assumes they are romantic partners, how do they react?

I’m assuming this is before they’re officially together, back in the pining stage lol but Yara handles it with a shrug and a “he’s not my boyfriend, actually” (which Ace has to pretend doesn’t sting nearly as bad as it does). She gets a bit flustered, but is overall pretty good at keeping her racing heart under control (or at least not letting it show on the outside). Ace gets a lot more noticeably flustered. If he’s alone, he probably wouldn’t bother to correct the person (like if a merchant assumed he was shopping for a girlfriend) but if Yara’s there he’ll more vigorously deny it because he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable— for awhile he just couldn’t fathom the concept of her actually liking him back (poor boy thinks he’s unlovable)

43) If someone else assumes they are blood relatives, how do they react?

They’d think it’s more funny than anything. They look nothing alike. It’d probably become an inside joke about how they wouldn’t wish that fate (being the child of [Ace’s father] or Mihawk) on anyone.

44) If they had to squeeze together in a cramped space, what would happen?

Poor Ace lmao he’s trying his best not to think dirty thoughts (especially before they’re together). If they’re together at that point, though, he might take the opportunity to make a suggestive comment. Depending on the situation, he might even get his wish lol

45) If one of them was in trouble, what would the other do?

Well, Marineford lol — there’s a reason their otp tag is “I’d burn the world for you”— Ace in a more literal sense because of his Devil Fruit, but there’s no lengths Yara wouldn’t go to in order to protect the light of her life.

46) If they could each have one wish related to the other, what would it be?

Yara wishes Ace would be able to fully realize and accept just how loved he really is so he can start to love himself and understand that his life has worth, his existence isn’t a crime, and he deserved to be born.

Ace wishes that Yara and Mihawk would repair their broken relationship and by extension that Yara would accept and embrace who she is. He wants her to find that sense of belonging that she has been searching for her entire life.

47) If they had to solve a complex puzzle together, how would it go?

Yara solves it. Ace watches with his chin resting on her shoulder making unhelpful suggestions and getting shushed in return lol

48) If they swapped bodies, how would they handle it?

It’s too bad Ace and Law never met in canon cuz they’re both gunning for the competition of One Piece’s Most Traumatized, Mentally Unwell Man lmao (Law would probably win on the virtue of Ace at least having Luffy as a surviving family member whereas poor Law lost pretty much everyone, including Corazon ofc) but let’s just say they get hit with Law’s Room powers and that’s how it happens (for the sake of this question I’m also assuming they get full access to each other’s Devil Fruit powers lol)

Ace and Yara know each other’s bodies pretty well so it wouldn’t be completely traumatic for them. Ace is mostly amused by it and spends most of his time playing around with walking through walls and sticking his hand into solid objects. Yara also takes Ace’s powers out for a test drive— she’s always wanted to know just how powerful he really is, so she definitely goes to stand over by the ocean and lets out a few “HIKEN!!!!”s, just for the hell of it. They’re both relieved when they go back to normal, though.

49) If one of them wanted to split up, how would the other react?

If it was earlier in their relationship and they came to the realization that they worked better as friends, they would be able to go back to that state without too much grief. If it came after they’d been together awhile, though, neither of them would take it well at all lol if Ace initiated it, Yara would become petty and angry and vengeful and tbh would probably never speak to him again. If it was Yara splitting up with Ace, then he would get extremely depressed. It would make him hate himself infinitely more than he already does— just another confirmation that he doesn’t deserve to be alive.

50) If they had to write their future selves a note, what would it say?

“Dear future Ace and Yara,

Wherever you are, we hope that you’re happy together and that you both found the peace you have been searching for. We hope that you’re able to fully accept the love that the other person has to offer, and that everything turns out okay in the end. Sometimes it’s hard to see that either of us really will have a future, considering everything we’ve been through, but we hope it exists, and that you found it in good health and spirits. That’s a lot of hope, but times have been dark lately and hope is all we have that we’ll come out the other side alright. But maybe, as long as we have no regrets about the way we chose to live our lives, then that’s all we can ask for, even if one or neither of us makes it out alive.

Here’s to the future, and to hope.

Present Ace and Yara.”

ask game here!

One Piece nakama: @auxiliarydetective @daughter-of-melpomene @xoteajays

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Five times the Marauders came out to Mcgonogall and the one time she had to drag it out of them and the one time she had to tell them to...

TRIGGER WARNING: Internalized Homophobia

ONE: Sirius - (Asexual) Gay

Sirius storms into Mcgonogall’s office in third year, bruises on his body and fire in his eyes. He plunks himself down across from her and declares, “I’m gay, I hate sex, and I want to spend the rest of my life in love with Remus John Lupin.”

Mcgonogall, who had been reading up to this point, slowly closes her book as she raises her eyebrow.

“Is that so?” She asks, and Sirius nods once, sharply.

“I love him,” he says. “And he loves me. And I’m gonna marry him.”

Mcgonogall hums, opening her book back up and leaning back in her chair.

“Werewolves can’t get married, Mr. Potter,” she says, and Sirius glares.

“I will marry him,” he says, and Mcgonogall sighs.

“There is no doubt in my mind you will, Mr. Potter,” she drawls. “I merely mean you may have to do so illegally. However, if your recent trips to the school library regarding only books on the process of becoming an Animagus are anything to go by, I daresay that will not be much of an obstacle for you.”

Sirius shrugs, dropping his chin down onto his arms. “Guess not. Whatcha readin’?”

Mcgonogall sighs.

TWO: Severus - Asexual (Queer)

Severus starts hanging out in Mcgonogall’s office in most of his free time. She knows him well enough by now, it being fifth year and all, but she worries about his severe lack of friends. Barring Lily, he doesn’t hang out with anyone.

He’s draped across her desk on his back, legs and head hanging over either side and holding up a book as he reads, when she asks him how he’s doing. He shrugs.

“Fine.”

She digs a bit deeper - “I notice you only seem to spend time with Miss Evans. Aren’t you lonely?” Severus shrugs again.

“She’s the love of my life. I’m good.”

Mcgonogall sighs. She doesn’t ask any more questions, but after a few moments have passed, Severus speaks up.

“I really am fine, Professor,” he says, sending her a small smile. “I’m best friends with the girl of my dreams, I know the fact that I’m ace as fuck and queer isn’t gonna change that, and I know who I am. I’m fantastic.”

Mcgonogall rakes her eyes over his body, taking in his loose posture and defiant eyes and the skirt he wears nearly every day, and she shrugs.

“If you’re sure,” she says, and Severus lets out a small laugh.

“I’m sure,” he says softly. “It’s just one of those things, you know? A fact of life. James Potter is a prat, Sirius Potter and Remus Lupin are in love, and Severus Snape is fine.”

He trails off. “Just fine.”

Mcgonogall smiles at him. Severus grins back.

“Being normal is boring,” he quips, and it’s that moment that Mcgonogall starts to question his feud with the Marauders, because honestly they could all be incredible friends if they just got past their stubborn pride.

THREE: Peter - Bisexual

In fifth year he develops a huge crush on the new transfer student Maxwell Needles, who came from Beauxbatons and is now a Hufflepuff at Hogwarts. They TA at the library and Peter loves them, and, naturally, panics to Mcgonogall one day about it.

He’s sitting there, bouncing in a chair and fidgeting, when she blurts, “Just ask them out.”

Peter’s head snaps up, his wide shocked eyes fixing on her.

“What?” He whispers, and Mcgonogall sighs, shaking her head.

“Ask them out. Everything you’ve told me says you’ve got a solid chance.”

Peter flushes bright red, looking down at his hands and shaking his head.

“No, no. I… they’re so cool, Professor. They have magenta hair and they wear leather and spikes all the time and they just… they’re loud and rebellious and so, so out of my league.”

(In her head, Mcgonogall facepalms.)

“Oh please,” Mcgonogall says, waving her hand in dismissal. “You’re a Marauder. Besides, leagues are nonexistent. But if you really feel so badly, here’s the test they took last week.”

She hands him a paper, with Max’s name signed at the top. There are hearts doodled all over it with the initials P + M and the name Pettigrew-Needles? Needles-Pettigrew? Maxwell Pettigrew? Peter Needles? written all over it. Peter pinkens, but smiles, and hands it back to her, shaking just a bit less.

“Thank you, Professor,” he mumbles, a grin slowly taking over his face, and Mcgonogall waves his words away.

“Nonsense,” she says, smiling. “Anything to help my favorite bisexual rat.”

Peter groans. Mcgonogall grins.

“Now go. Ask them out.”

Peter blushes, but nods.

“Yes, Professor,” he mumbles, and skitters off as she looks down triumphantly at the test, scrawling quickly next to the O on it, Congratulations on your new Marauder boyfriend. Come to me for therapy when you need it :)

(Max beams brighter than the sun when Mcgonogall passes it back.)

FOUR: Lily - (Polyamorous) Trans FTM

Lily is completing some Prefect duties (read: paperwork) in Mcgonogall’s office in sixth year when she suddenly heaves roughly and stands up, shoving her way out of the room. Mcgonogall follows her, concerned, and finds her emerging from one of the uniform closets in pants.

She raises her eyebrow at the sight, to which Lily sighs and waves her hand.

“Do you have scissors and a big sweater I could borrow? Oh, and some paint?”

Mcgonogall purses her lips, but finds Lily the things she needs. Lily shrugs the sweater over her shoulders, drags her pink, blue, and white fingers all down her cheeks, and lifts the scissors to her hair. Mcgonogall’s mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ as she steps forward with an outstretched hand, her eyes wide as she watches Lily shear off nearly all her hair.

“Miss Evans,” she hisses, snatching the scissors back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Lily glares at her, running her fingers through her newly shorn hair and tugging down the hem of her sweater.

“Making myself Mr. Evans,” he spits, and stomps out of the room with his hands clenched into fists by his sides.

(Mcgonogall gifts him the scissors the next day, with the nonchalant explanation, “For whenever you need to cut your hair again, of course. Mr. Evans.”

Lily beams.)

FIVE: Remus - (Asexual) Panromantic

Mcgonogall has never met anyone who hates themself as fiercely as Remus Lupin does.

In sixth year, he starts to shrink further and further into himself, even distancing himself from Sirius. And then, one day, he slams his way into Mcgonogall’s classroom three hours after curfew and collapses into the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to join him from her rooms.

“Mr. Lupin?” She asks. “What ever could possess you to -”

He thrusts his hand out, showing her a silver ring engraved with a black pawprint. Her mouth shuts like a vice. They sit there for a few moments in complete and utter silence until finally Remus mutters, “He wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall purses her lips.

“I can see that,” she says, knotting her fingers together in front of her. Remus stares down at his hands in shock.

“He wants to marry me,” he says again, in marvel. “I’ve been pulling away from him because I’m a sexless werewolf who will end up whoring himself out on the streets after graduation because no person would ever reasonably hire me and I’ll probably off myself before I’m thirty and I’ve been pushing him away for three weeks trying to prepare myself for when he inevitably breaks my heart and instead he wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall is readying to break down the mountains of bullshit that just sprang from her favorite student’s mouth when Remus looks up at her through teary eyes and whispers, “How do I take it back?”

Mcgonogall raises her eyebrow.

“Now why would you do that?” She asks, choosing her words carefully. “You were born to stand by Sirius Potter’s side, there was never any doubt in that at all.”

Remus shrugs.

“He deserves better than a piece of shit like me,” he mumbles. “My life has been a death sentence since I was five. I don’t want to drag him down with me.”

Mcgonogall feels her heart break in her chest. She doesn’t show it.

“Mr. Lupin,” she says, quietly. “I am quite certain he intends to lift you up. But if I may speak frankly, my dear - and I will whether you like it or not - that boy loves you more than I thought it was possible to love another human being. And Sirius Potter may be many things, but he is not an idiot - I am quite certain that he knew what being with you would entail long before he ever acted on his feelings for you, and I do believe that if you are truly to live such a life, not a day will go by he is not by your side living the same.”

Remus flushes. He fiddles with his ring, then shrugs.

“Thanks, I guess,” he mumbles, and stands to leave, never looking back at her. Mcgonogall simply nods.

“Oh, and Mr. Lupin?” She calls as he slips through the door. He freezes. She smiles.

“While your heart has the capacity to love all others, I’m not sure it will ever recognize a face other than Sirius Potter Lupin’s.”

As Remus flees, she catches just the last glimpse of his neck above his robes - scarred as ever, and flaming red.

ONE: Regulus - (Nonbinary Male) (Asexual) Queer

Mcgonogall comes back after rounds one night in seventh year (his sixth) to find Regulus Black asleep at one of the desks in her classroom. She shakes him awake, bending down to ask if he’s okay, and Regulus breaks into tears, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m queer,” he warbles. “I’m a piece of gay shit just like my brother and I don’t know what to do.”

Mcgonogall places a gentle hand on his back.

“That’s okay, Regulus,” she says, but he only shakes his head more violently.

“It’s not okay,” he rasps. “It’s not okay. I can’t be like that, Sirius is like that and look what happened to him -”

Mcgonogall opens her mouth to answer but Regulus just keeps babbling, trying to tear himself away.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t. You don’t understand, Miss, I can’t -”

“Regulus Lupin,” Mcgonogall snaps, grasping his wrists. He freezes, going pliant in her hands at the name, and she stares deep into his eyes as she speaks.

“You are queer, and that is okay. Your brother is a kind, wonderful person who loves you more than life itself and is already making plans with his fiance to take you in once he’s of age. I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to know you can love whoever you want to.”

Regulus calms. He deflates, turning to putty in her hands, and she gathers him close, hugging him until Sirius, Remus, and James come looking for him.

ONE: James - (Polyamorous) Bisexual

While James Potter may be one of Mcgonogall’s favorite students, he is also the one she most often wants to murder.

In the last week of seventh year, he gets up on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during breakfast and shouts, “I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!”

Naturally, everyone looks up at him, including Mcgonogall, whose hand is already on her wand. James pulls Severus and Lily up on the table with him, snogs Lily filthily and dips Severus into a kiss as Lily laughs, and then straightens back up and screams, “I’M SO FUCKING BISEXUAL!”

Sirius, obviously, decides the best course of action is to then scream, “I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING EVANS!”

James turns bright red, Severus starts sputtering, Lily guffaws loudly and Mcgonogall gives all of them detention for the rest of their lives, though she has a particularly hard time getting James off the table:

“Get off the table please, you can’t be up there - DiD yOU jUSt cALL mE HOmoPhoBIC JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER COME BACK HERE SO I CAN FUCKING STRANGLE YOU -”

(Ah, Dumbledore thinks. Good times.)

[ilovemygaydad]

title: sticks and stones may break my bones, and you can always hurt me

pairing: logicality

warnings (read them because they are important): internal aphobia, mentions of abuse, panic attacks, lots of self hate, internal homophobia, mentions of corrective rape, mentions of verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of kissing, anger, threats, mentions of abusive relationships, lying, mentions of overdose, mentions of death, mentions of abusive families, crying, swearing, miscommunication, things are worded to make it seem like a fight but it isn’t, and possibly something else (let me know if something needs to be tagged)

summary: patton needs to come out to his boyfriend, which may seem redundant, but it sure as hell isn’t

word count: 1.5k

inspired by @today-only-happens-once‘s story “exposure therapy,” which I love with all of my heart!

a/n: is this good? probably not, but then again, when is anything that I write?

Patton paced in front of the door to his apartment, wringing his hands. It was silly--he knew that he was being silly--yet his mind wouldn’t lend itself reprieve from the awful thoughts. But at the same time, he needed to prepare himself for all situations. Yes, he trusted Logan more than anyone else on the planet, but he was always told that he trusted too easy, and he’d been burned more often than he’d like to admit. There was no telling what could happen when the truth came out; all he could do was hope that it wouldn’t be one of the worse options.

Like, he really hoped that Logan wouldn’t get mad and say, “so you were leading me on for three years?!” Or that he wouldn’t tell him that asexuality doesn’t exist, and that Patton needs to get over himself and grow up--which was honestly likely seeing as Patton was always called childish. And he really hoped that Logan wouldn’t try--try to--

He just hoped. That was all that he could do because he didn’t have time to put off coming out any longer. When Logan had first started dating Patton, he’d just escaped a physically abusive relation, and he was still relearning where his boundaries were. Selfishly, Patton was happy that Logan had given him the perfect excuse to never need to say that he was asexual, but the time had come when Logan had become comfortable with himself and would inevitably want to go further. And it wasn’t fair to either of them for Patton to hide behind a mask.

Patton ran his hands down his face. He could do this. All he needed was another few minutes to prepare, and he’d march right into his apartment and--

The door to the apartment swung open, and Patton screeched in horror as Logan’s head peeked out.

“Patton, dear, why are you pacing outside of our apartment? Did you get locked out?”

The man in question opened his mouth to answer his boyfriend, but instead blurted out, “I’m asexual. I’m never going to want to have sex with you. I’m so sorry for leading you on, and I know I’m being ridiculous--I really do--but please just--I just--I can’t keep lying to you. I know that you’re probably really upset, which is fair, but--”

“Patton--”

“I love you so much, and I don’t--”

“Patton!” Logan cried, and Patton’s mouth snapped shut immediately. “Oh, god, Patton.”

And Logan was… laughing for some reason.

“Wh-Why are you laughing?”

Logan wheezed and gently rubbed at his eyes as he attempted to pull himself together. “I apologize. This is a very serious moment, and I shouldn’t be laughing, but I just--me too.”

“Me too… what?” Patton asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“I’m asexual.”

The puzzle pieces all fell into place before Patton’s eyes. “Oh,” he said plainly.

It certainly made sense. Logan hadn’t given many details of his previous relationships, but Patton knew that they all ended with a nasty breakup. With the last boyfriend, Logan had said that he’d physically abused him to the point that he had to get a therapist and spend time in the hospital. It had been made very clear from the beginning that Logan would be the one to set the pace of the relationship as he continued to heal, which was completely fine with both parties. For a long time, he didn’t even want to be touched, and he refused to watch many mainstream movies rated above PG because they had content that was “highly uncomfortable” for him to watch. Short kisses were preferred, and cuddling took over a year to be introduced in their relationship.

“‘Oh’ indeed,” Logan chuckled. He gently took Patton’s hand and began to lead him into their apartment. “Now that we have the air cleared, why were you standing outside of our apartment? Why not come inside?”

Patton stiffened, and it took every ounce of control in his body not to tear himself away from Logan. “It’s nothing, sweetheart. I was just caught up in my thoughts.”

“Falsehood. What’s wrong?” Logan turned Patton so they were facing each other, so Patton put on his sunniest smile before responding.

“Really, it’s nothing. Just some things at work that I need to remember to do.”

Logan’s lips turned down at the corners. “Patton, I have multiple degrees in psychology, and your body language and blatant lying suggest that you aren’t okay.” His eyes turned pleading. “Please, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I…”

What the hell was he supposed to tell Logan? ‘Well, I was worried that you’d hate me or break up with me or rape me when I came out to you as asexual, but it’s no big deal! Let’s go make dinner together because that’s what couples who trust and love each other do’? Yeah, because that would be a great way to end the evening. On the curb not because his partner didn’t accept his sexuality, but because Patton was too untrusting to think that Logan wouldn’t pull something when he came out.

Patton was weak and pathetic and just didn’t deserve love. That much was obvious from the horrible deck that he was dealt. Asexuality and gayness and mental health issues and stupidity and poor judgement. His life was meant to end in a ditch, overdosing on alcohol because he couldn’t trust the one good man that he’d found. Maybe, all those years back, his parents were right to throw him out as soon as he turned eighteen because they knew that their son was destined for an early grave, and it’d be so much easier to just start fresh with their problem child being little more than a distant memory.

“...Pat…atton are...kay…?”

Huh, Patton thought as the world slowly refocused. Logan looks upset.

“...need you to...with me...aving...panic attack…”

Panic attack.

Oh.

He was having a panic attack.

“...four, sev…eight...just like th...you’re doing great…”

After a few minutes of breathing exercises, Patton had regained his ability to see and hear properly. At some point, Logan had lowered them to the ground so they were sitting in the middle of the floor. Patton picked at the skin around his nails. He didn’t want to look at Logan’s face.

“Do you want to tell me what got you so upset? You don’t have to, and I’m certainly not going to force you; I just wish to know so that I may avoid it in the future, okay?” Logan asked in the same soft, quiet voice that he used on his nephews.

“Don’ tr’s you,” Patton mumbled in response, eliciting a sigh from Logan.

“Would you please repeat that?”

“I don’ trust you.”

“Don’t trust me about what?”

Patton moved his gaze to where the floor met the wall. “I thought you were gonna hurt me or somethin’ ‘cause ‘m ace.”

“I see.” Logan’s voice had gone clinically cold--so much so that Patton’s eyes snapped up to Logan’s face. His facial features looked calm at a glance, but the miniscule twitch of his right eyebrow and slightly clenched jaw betrayed the cool façade and exposed the true anger he was feeling.

“‘m sorry. Gimme a day, and ‘ll get my stuff out ‘f the apartment. I just need time to find a place--”

“Who hurt you?”

Patton’s mouth hung open in shock for a few moments before he choked out a tiny, “what?”

“Who hurt you to make you fear that I would do something so god-awful to you because of your sexuality? How many times has this happened in the past?” Logan’s voice echoed down the hallway as his volume rose. “Who did this to you?”

“Lo, we don’t--it’s not a big deal--”

“Not a big deal?!” Logan cried in frustration and anger. “Of fucking course it’s a big deal, Patton! It’s a big deal because neither you nor I should feel as though we’re going to be assaulted for coming out. We don’t deserve to have to be scared because we’re good people. You are one of the kindest, trusting people that I know, and somebody along the way fucked you up so badly that you became afraid to take both feet out of the closet!”

“I’m sorry,” Patton whispered, hunching in on himself as tears welled up in his eyes.

“No, wait--damn it--I didn’t--hold on. I’m not mad at you. I swear, honey; I’m not. Just--can I hug you?”

Patton gently nodded his head, and Logan quickly pulled him into his arms.

“I could never be mad at you, okay? I’m just so angry at the people who hurt us along the way. It isn’t fair that the fear has become so normal to us.”

“I know,” Patton murmured into Logan’s shirt.

“I’m going to track down anyone who hurt you and beat them up.”

That forced a tiny smile out of Patton. “I don’t think that’s allowed, Lo.”

“I don’t give a damn. I’m going to do it.”

“Okay, hon.” Patton snuggled closer. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[five-wow]

Author Asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by the wonderful @novemberhush. Thank you, omg, because I love rambling about writing and this is the best kind of opportunity to do so, handed on a silver platter, ahh. 😊

-

Author Name: Square / Squares / SquaresAreNotCircles

Fandoms You Write For: I’m a fandom hopper! In the past year or so it’s been Hawaii Five-0 (a truly ridiculous amount), Shadowhunters, Venom, Harry Potter, due South and Stargate Atlantis. Other fandoms I’ve written at least one fic for are Twilight, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Glee, BBC Merlin, BBC Atlantis, Teen Wolf, In The Flesh, Star Wars, Supernatural, the MCU and High School Musical. And uh, Alexander the Great/Voltaire fic (which would be... history fandom? RPF?) and one (1) Judas/Jesus Biblefic. If we’re getting really technical, also a tiny little bit of One Direction fic.

It should be noted that all of this is about fic that ended up getting posted somewhere on the interwebs - there are multiple Star Trek (TOS/AOS and DS9) fics lingering in my drafts (!! one day I will finish one of them), as well as some How To Train Your Dragon, The Good Place and Deadpool stuff, and definitely more I’ve forgotten.

Where You Post: Since I made the switch to writing in English everything has landed on ao3, but I used to write mostly in Dutch, so there’s still close to a million words, I think, under my name on quizlet.nl (not to be confused with quizlet.com, which is a very different website).

Most Popular One-Shot: That depends on how you’re measuring popularity! Going by kudos, it’s Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth), a Magnus/Alec Shadowhunters fic. It’s the truth is a really old fic about Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood from Harry Potter that has the most hits out of all my works, and That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky), an MCU Steve/Bucky fic, has the greatest number of comment threads.

Also, since this is an h50 blog: for my fic in this fandom Wanted: partner (in crime) has the most kudos and hits; You had me at meow has the most comments.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: I’m working on one for h50 (going slowly, so slowly), but I don’t have any posted to ao3. I used to write a lot of multi-chaptered work in my quizlet.nl days, and I think my most popular fic there was probably the second fic I ever wrote, when I was fourteen or fifteen, which was a next-gen Harry Potter fic with shifting and overlapping POVs from the three Potter kids. It was kind of, well, not great, but it’s probably what really cemented my writing habit, it’s still my longest fic ever (over a 100k!) and I got my first fandom friends out of it, including one I’m still in contact with to this day, even though neither of us writes much if anything for Harry Potter anymore.

Favourite Story You Wrote: Ohhh, that’s such an impossible question, especially because I’ve been churning out one-shots like I might actually be getting paid for it, so there’s so much to choose from, which is a thing I have difficulty doing at the best of times, holy shit. Uh, I once wrote a 70k Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter) modern college-ish AU in Dutch that I still like; weirdly, I think that Biblefic holds up (also Dutch), and the HSM fic is fun to reread once in a while because of the fourth wall break, as is That escalated quickly, a Percy/Oliver fic. Ooh, and the fic about Shuri and Stucky and a goat!

For h50, it’s even harder to choose, because my preferences change pretty much weekly (a combination of newer fic being shinier, looking back at fic from even just a few months ago and finding things I would have done differently now, and comments influencing the way I personally look at my own fic), but right now, I’d say I still really like the fic where Steve adopts some guinea pigs, the one with the slightly tipsy team bonding by talking about mutual crushes and this 9.11 coda fix fluff getting together thing.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: That Biblefic, haha, because it’s a very complicated topic and my aim was definitely not to offend. People were really sweet about it, though! Mostly, they were kind of shocked it wasn’t crack, but that’s fair, because so was I.

Also pretty much anything I post in a new fandom, really, and low key just... anything at all. I’m always a little scared I tagged something super badly or accidentally copy-pasted the wrong text or unknowingly wrote something super offensive or whatever, despite my double- and triplechecking of the posting form. (I’m also still kind of scared people on ao3 will randomly decide they hate my fic and my writing and me personally (ao3 is really big and very anonymous and coming from the small town that was quizlet.nl even in its heyday, that’s scary), but that fear has abated as I’ve posted more, just because the data is showing pretty conclusively that thought is as irrational as it sounds. Everyone is always so nice, gosh.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Mostly, I steal lines from random songs. I have a small pile of song lyrics to use as potential titles, because going on a seperate hunt for every new fic would take most of my waking hours. Sometimes, I’ll use a pun (like You had me at meow or Retail Therapy) or something else that I think sounds good, especially if the fic is mostly comedy and/or has a specific premise that would do well in a title (like Five times the Governor of Hawaii suspects his taskforce leaders are violating fraternization policies (and one time they tell him they are)).

Do You Outline: I’m mostly writing fic of (sometimes much) less than 5k at the moment, so not really. I do sometimes write tiny bits of a bunch of scenes and then fill in the rest around that, which is a kind of outline, in a way. For longer works, I usually make a one page bullet point list of things that need to happen and work from there, because I can’t do really extensive outlining or I’ll just get caught up in the details and lose all of the oversight a tool like that is supposed to give you, as well as most of my enthusiasm for the project.

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Of the ones posted? On ao3, all of them, because unfinished posted one-shot works would require some strange bending of those concepts. On quizlet.nl, I do have some abandoned works, but I think 80% is finished.

In-Progress: SO MUCH. Seriously, just, so much, oh god. I’d really like to write another Stargate Atlantis fic (and I have 30% of one done), and something more for due South, too, and maybe a small Percy/Oliver thing again some time because they were my very first OTP and I kind of miss them, but mostly I have, like, 100+ half written things for h50. I really wish that number was an exaggeration. There’s no way they’ll all get finished, but maybe... a third? Mayhaps?

That One Truly Long H50 Fic that I was already talking about way back in October last year is also eternally “in progress”. The thing is that it has about 25k now, after a year, and I think it needs... at least four times that. Probably. So either I’ll have to stick with this fandom and my slow progress for another three years to have a shot at getting it finished, or I’ll need to find a way to up the speed a little. Maybe I could try working on it for NaNo this November? That would be pretty awesome, but honestly, part of why it’s moving this slowly is because NaNo-style fast and messy writing for this scares me a little, because I might end up writing a lot, decide it’s not what I wanted for it, and become too intimidated to ever edit and/or rewrite the entire thing. But idk, I probably just need to get over my own fears, because I really do want to write Longer Fic again. Short stuff is fun and feels really productive and that’s great, but I miss the actual slow burn and build-up that only 50k+ words can give you.

Coming Soon: Hopefully a lot? For h50, that is. I have no idea what’s getting posted next, because I’m never entirely sure what’s going to be finished next and something really random might come jumping in, but at the moment I’m trying to direct most of my energies at a slightly longer fic I’ve been working on for months (not The Long Fic, a different one), a fic labeled “9.01 memory loss fic”, another one temporarly entitled “Perfect Kauai beach house vacation”, and maybe an ace!Steve fic I’ve been working on, if I ever manage to uh, actually finish that, instead of rewriting three sentences during every round of editing and never actually adding anything to fill in the gaps it still has. There will also be more season 10 codas, in all likelihood.

Do You Accept Prompts: I’ve never done that before in the traditional way, but I’m thinking about it! I’d love to try (and it would be a breath of fresh air, in some ways!), but the main thing holding me back is that I have way too much on my plate with just my own ideas to work off of, and I don’t want to disappoint people. Maybe if I do drabble-ish prompt fills? It’s definitely been on my mind.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m excited for a lot of stuff, but honestly, the top spot right now probably goes to the ace!Steve fic. I’m not even sure it’s that good, necessarily, but it’s, idk, really cathartic, I suppose. Seriously self-indulgent in strange but very good ways. I really like writing it. (Second spot goes to the beach vacation fic, because I haven’t actually written that much for it, but it’s been my go-to easy happy place for the last few weeks.)

-

I’m tagging @love2hulksmash @thekristen999 @stephmcx @girlonastring @flowerfan2 and @pterawaters, which is six people because I can’t count, but I’m about to make it seven because I’m also tagging you, the person reading this (hi there!). Say I tagged you and tag me so I can read it! I know that kind of thing can feel awkward, but it won’t be, because I’m cheering you on. Go for it, if you want to do it. :D

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

How did you know you identified as ace? I’m just curious because I’ve always had trouble understanding ace and demi. Like I lowkey think I identify as demisexual and biromantic but because I didn’t really get? It? So I didn’t want to say the label out loud. So when ppl ask I usually say bisexual just because it’s easier. Could you explain it? Sorry for being so long, I’m just a lost puppy at this point 😅

This is such a hard question and it doesn’t have an easy answer, for me, at least and sometimes I still wonder. The thing about asexuality is it’s just straight up a lack of sexual attraction-how do you know you’re missing it if you don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like? Being biromantic is like yeah crushes on girls and occasionally guys for me, I know that. But asexual? Am I not feeling sexual attraction? Am I and I’m just not aware that this thing is sexual attraction? What even is sexual attraction? 

I’ve talked a bit with some allosexual friends but I’m still not entirely sure I get sexual attraction. A lot of stuff that apparently is real sexual attraction is something I always thought people meant as a joke (you know, I’d have sex with them or walking down the street and seeing a stranger like yeah I would-that doesn’t seem real to me, I always thought people were joking but? As far as I’ve learnt that’s genuinely how some people feel). 

For me it was a trip, I’m afraid you’re going to have to get some background here-I’d been in a relationship that was emotionally abusive in it’s own right-I didn't learn that until years later though when we did a workshop at school on what counts as emotional abuse. I wasn’t doing great. I also started to question my sexuality at the same time-not a great plan. I thought I was aro/ace. Truthfully I’ve really only got back into having crushes like I used to this year, which is 3-4 years after everything happened. The relationship impacted me badly in that sense. Relationships? Completely a no-go for me. Even now I’m not sure if it’d be fair for me to enter into one despite the progress I’ve made. So. Anyway. I went through a lot of sexualities on the ace/aro spectrum-lithromantic was a big one and I was sure that was me. Truthfully my mental state was just utterly wrecked and I was entirely lost.

But even then I just felt like...nothing really fit. It felt wrong. I dropped it entirely, I knew I wasn’t interested in relationships at that point and that’s all I really needed. But I went through therapy for depression and anxiety and pain management and I never brought up my relationship but I started to heal mentally. Eventually I realised yeah, my mental state is doing pretty amazing, but you still have a HUGE issue with relationships. We need to work through that. So I did...it still took a long time but I got better. And better. And better. And I’m still getting better. And I started to question my sexuality again, this time in a much better place to. 

I had a great friend at the time who was part of the LGBT+ community and every time I tried out an identity, he was all on board. I think I changed it a lot. I remembered back to when I was hm, maybe 11 and I realised I definitely liked girls and it was tricky because I’ve very rarely had crushes on guys but like, I was in a relationship with one so...I guess I couldn’t just be gay. Now I know I could’ve been but I also know now I still do rarely have crushes on guys-probably less so than before, still working past that relationship sfhsdf but still. Anyway I was like pan? bi? poly? there’s honest to god so many sexualities out there’s it’s overwhelming. But I started watching shadowhunters and saw magnus bane and knew bi was the label for me. I just felt comfortable with it after seeing someone else wearing it proudly. 

Didn’t really solve my ace question though. I wondered if I was demi (a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone) and I decided to stick with that for awhile. I figured relationships were a no-go still so I wouldn’t really KNOW but ace felt like a scary word. Like I was saying there’s absolutely none of that when I just, HOW could I know that for sure? So demi felt safe. MAYBE I would feel sexual attraction in a relationship after awhile-there was no way for me to know. I thought maybe I was a gray ace (one definition on google puts it as experience sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that it's ignorable), that covers more area than just demi. Maybe I did feel sexual attraction and I just...the time hadn’t popped up. 

I felt a bit like I was lying to say I was ace because what IF-the truth is, maybe I will get in a relationship and experience this so-called sexual attraction. Maybe I really just do need a strong emotional bond or whatever. Maybe I need the most specific circumstances-maybe this, maybe that. It doesn’t particularly matter in the here and now though. In the here and now I don’t experience sexual attraction. Based off conversations with people, what I’ve managed to figure out about sexual attraction...I just don’t experience it. I still question it sometimes though because are people REALLY attracted to strangers like they want to have sex-apparently anyway. And if ANYTHING ever changes, if I EVER experience it for whatever reason-I just alter my identity. I’m not lying. This is who I THINK I am and sometimes people just aren’t right. If I’m not right, it’s not a crime, I was merely missing some information to lead me to the correct identity. 

Plus, asexuality is something you really have to look into. It’s not just people who don’t have sex or whatever. Some asexuals enjoy sex, some asexuals are neutral, some asexuals are repulsed by it. I’m more in the neutral area but I have shifted sometimes to a bit of nausea or feeling uncomfortable with that sort of thing. Sometimes I don’t mind the thought so much-maybe if I really loved the person I’d be okay sometimes (NOT in a forcing myself way, in a it probably wouldn’t bother me that much even if I don’t much see the interest in it. DO NOT force yourself to do ANYTHING. If I was NEVER comfortable with that it would NOT happen. I’ve heard too much shit about people forcing themselves. Don’t.). I feel like it’s meant to be more of a set spectrum-this is where you fall. But it’s always been fluid for me if I’m repulsed or neutral or whatever. I think that’s okay. 

I never had a sexual sort of relationship with that one guy, I was too young for starters and it was long distance. The sort of long distance you’d pass off as just kids being dumb and I’m sure I’d laugh about it now if it didn’t go so badly for me. So I don’t really think he hit me all that hard there. I don’t think my asexuality is influenced by that at all. I feel pretty confident actually. It took me awhile but I mean seeing Raphael from shadowhunters and just that little bit of representation, I felt pretty comfy wearing the label. 

I mostly just tell people I’m bi if they ask or if I wish to share. The asexual part is more personal to me, less understood, I’m no less proud but people don’t quite get it a lot. It’s just. Not out there in the way homosexuality is or whatever. There’s always a lot of questions with saying you’re asexual and a lot of the time people don’t really care to understand correctly. Even people in the LGBT+ community don’t always fully understand. And it’s always good to teach and help people learn but it’s also a bit hard when people just leave you with a ‘I don’t really get that but nevermind, whatever.’ Because not having sex? People can understand that. Not experiencing sexual attraction? People think it’s a choice a lot, but people can also understand that. But then you bring into play the actually, some aces love sex! You’ve absolutely lost the person.

I can’t say for sure I would’ve understood either if I wasn’t ace, it seems perfectly understandable now but I did my research and all. 

So if you think you’re demi and bi, that’s totally cool! You only experience sexual attraction with a strong emotional bond which doesn’t HAVE to be romantic, sometimes it’s a platonic relationship that’s gotten really strong. If you think you’re ace and bi! That’s also cool, identity buddies! No sexual attraction at all-but maybe you enjoy or will enjoy sex (I don’t know how old you are if you’re actually really young DON’T go there sdklhfsdhf).

I wish I could give you a straight forward answer like well you just-but unfortunately some of my history REALLY played into me figuring things out. If I was to give you advice, if you’re not entirely sure you’re on the ace spectrum at all, talk to a close allo person. It’s a little weird to say hey, what’s sexual attraction like for you? I wish I could point you in the direction of a post that details sexual attraction (I don’t know one but if anyone reading this does or has advice, please add to this!! we don’t all have really open friends that are chill with this topic shfdsf) but I don’t know any. Sometimes questions more like ‘do people really experience sexual attraction to strangers like in movies?’ are a little more comfortable but still weird if you’re not that close.

Also, if you’re young, don’t stress it. I know, or at least I’ve HEARD it sort of becomes a thing of interest when you start going into your teens, sometimes earlier I guess. But everyone’s still figuring things out at that age. And your friends are probably less open to talk about it. Not that it’s bad! I was so stressed to figure my identity out I didn’t realise I was making everything worse, it turns out giving it time and waiting was what I personally needed to do and I think not rushing the whole process is generally good advice. If you’re really struggling-take a step back. It’s not the end of the world if you can’t find a box to put yourself in comfortably. Labels AREN’T for everyone.

If you know you’re on the ace spectrum for sure but can’t figure out where-again, labels AREN’T everything. Maybe in time you’ll settle on something but if for now you just want to go yeah I’m not interested in sex-that’s totally cool! You don’t need an exact label to be valid. You can just say ‘somewhere on the ace spectrum’ or ‘questioning on the ace spectrum’, you don’t even have to be that specific. There’s uh, hm. What was it called. Here: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page I know I ended up on this site a lot when I was questioning things. Wondering about new identities. Haven’t been there in a while but maybe you’ll get something out of it if you haven’t seen it yet. You can also probably find sites on google that give you a bit of insight into what sexual attraction details if you’re unsure like I was (am). 

I hope I answered your question somewhat, I’m coming back to the demi vs ace thing and if you’re wondering exactly that-ace is none, demi is sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond which is often a relationship. So maybe you’ve been dating a person for idk, say awhile and you really love this person then maybe you start to feel sexual attraction. That’s demi-I think anyway, it’s sort of hard to tell when you just haven’t felt that before skdfjsdf. Oh and also, like how I said if I realise I’m not ace but demi or whatever and that’s okay, it’s also okay vice versa. If you’re in a relationship and realise you’re definitely ace, not demi, that’s cool too! If the person isn’t willing to accept you as ace, that’s not really a relationship you want to be in.

There’s also this:

this helped me a lot identifying some things I was feeling? When I was trying to figure out sexual attraction I’m pretty sure I realised I’d been getting it confused with aesthetic attraction for awhile. I can’t remember exactly what this picture did for me but it DID make me realise SOMETHING important so I’ll just put it here anyway.

You think you were being long 😂 sorry for being EXTRA long. 

ALSO I in NO WAY want to associate aro/ace with not being mentally okay. i KNOW that’s where I went when I was struggling but I’m mostly fine now and still identifying as ace and the aro was more there was no way I could emotionally open up to another relationship at the time. I simply mistook that. People that are ace or aro have NOTHING wrong with them. Just want to make that clear.

[aroworlds]

Hey super big question , I feel like we’re about to be slaughtered this December because Grindlewald is Aro Gay And I’m worried that jk is going to completely dehumanize him with Jonny Depp and that she chose Jonny because of his ability to play dehumanizing characters and the writing and his portrayal combined is going to be horrific for us and I can’t stop stressing about it , and asshole allos had to bring up Grindlewald is Nazi metaphor and then I just read the wiki on Hitler, he was ace fml

I said on the weekend that we should be allowed to connect to characters who are not good representation and express that connection, and that’s absolutely true. This said, it is also true that our connection does not mean other people cannot discuss the problems with that character and story. I can express a connection with Clariel; other people have the right to discuss how her position as series antagonist situates her as another loveless villain and her message is, consequently, damaging. Both approaches are important.

To deny people space to talk about the problems, parallels and metaphors in a work or character because of our connection is as silencing as their denying us space to speak of our connection. There are specific spaces where it isn’t appropriate to discuss some feelings in that space (a fanblog where folks gush about Clariel isn’t the best space to argue that she’s dreadful aro-ace rep) and this should be respected. On your own blog, you can certainly put up boundaries on the conversations you prefer not to see. But in broader, general community spaces, the risk is that people will have differing viewpoints and that many of these viewpoints can be hard for us to take, especially if our connection to a character or work is deep and intense.

As an autistic, it can be difficult to see people have a differing opinion about a special interest. It bothers me if they don’t like something I like; it bothers me even more if they like something I consider terrible! It feels like a personal judgement, and it’s hard not to get extremely defensive in response. When it’s tangled up in questions of representation, erasure, marginalisation and identity, it becomes even more complicated, and my connection to my special interest is such that seeing differing attitudes and evaluations of it that hurt me provoke depression, defiance or anger. Those feelings don’t make for easy conversation about it with other people.

One thing I’ve found as an answer, at least in the realm of a work I connect to being dismissed, is analyzing works myself. Yes, I like it, but what does it mean? What’s the context of this character? What are the themes and how do they relate to real life? How might these themes cause harm to others? What does the context of this character say about identity? What lead them to develop this viewpoint? Is it one I should keep? This allows me to continue to engage with a special interest topic while having desensitised myself to viewpoints that aren’t mine, because part of how I now connect to it is thinking about it from lots of different angles. But this took me years to develop and you may not be yet in a position to approach things this way. It also doesn’t work for attitudes and evaluations of a work based in out-and-out hatred or bigotry; you need to be prepared to dismiss them without being overwhelmed by them, and that’s also an ability that takes time and self-awareness to gain.

I do recommend exploring the idea that a special interest doesn’t need to be perfect to have value to meand that a special interest doesn’t need to be perceived the same way by others to have value to me. Your connection to a work is about you and you alone. That connection is not diminished or erased by someone else’s opinion, someone else’s actions or someone else’s response. This applies for disagreement about character arc or idealised representation, and it applies to erasure and antagonism.

I know nothing about Hitler being ace, but so what if he is? Seriously, so what? There’s plenty of lesbian TERFs. There’s heaps of binary trans truscum causing harm to non-binary people. What of Milo Yiannopoulos? Does that mean all lesbians, all binary trans people and all gay men are irredeemable? Of course not! Being of a marginalised identity does not preclude one from being harmful, dangerous, cruel, malicious or damaging. There are aromantic people out there who are dangerous to me. That doesn’t make them less aromantic or less dangerous. It just means all kinds of people can be aromantic, including those I think morally reprehensible.

Anyone who declares all gay men dangerous because of Milo Yiannopoulosis a heterosexist bigot, and the same applies here. You cannot spend your life worrying that an awful person is gay/ace/aro/trans/autistic (etc) and what that means or if people will use that against you. If you do, you’ll never be able to breathe. The only person you’re harming with this worry is you, and you deserve better than that.

If other people use someone’s existence to dismiss your community, as has happened so many times in antagonistic conversations over the last couple of years, handle it like you handle anyone else hateful. Block them. Report vile hate speech to Tumblr. Move on to more constructive creations and conversations.

The majority of fictional and creative media is at least unthinkingly amatonormative, ableist and cissexist. I rarely get to pick up a book that respects me as a trans, autistic aro, and I have to acknowledge this risk of being hurt every time I start something new. This isn’t right or fair, but it is our reality. This movie is going to be no different on that regard, no different to the rest of the media that hurts us. The difference here is that I think this is a property you care about, one that you deeply connect to--and that’s perfectly right and normal! But that connection makes it harder to see that this is the same thing the a-spec community has been enduring for years and years. We’ve weathered everything that’s come before and we’ll weather this, too. You’ll weather this, just as you weathered every other instance of erasure and antagonism in a fictional work.

You can’t change what track the film takes or how people respond to it. You can’t control other people’s coding. You can’t control other people’s hatred, dismissal and erasure. Worrying does nothing to change the situation; it only causes you unneeded distress. Rowling has supported Depp’s casting despite wide condemnation, so what else can you do? You either see the film anyway, knowing the risks, or you don’t--and not seeing it is a valid and reasonable option, one absolutely worth considering.

Under the cut, I talk about therapy and self-care for handling anxiety:

Given your distress, I do feel it a requirement to say that I think you should look into psychology and therapy services for your anxiety. This ask goes a little beyond the scope of what I can reasonably and ethically offer in validation and support. As someone with severe anxiety myself, I swear to you that worrying about something like this, a situation you cannot change yourself, is a problem that is causing you unneeded distress and harm. I don’t know where you live or what your options are, but there are blogs that detail support options. I genuinely believe that you need professional support here and encourage you to consider this in whatever options available to you.

(If you are already in therapy or treatment, I take this post as an indication that your current approaches are not best supporting you and it may be worthwhile to discuss this with your care providers.)

I’ll finish by saying that you can handle the situation, if you feel that you cannot bear the finished film and conversations about it at all. Blacklist tags relating to content you don’t wish to see. Unfollow people who post content you don’t wish to see, especially if it’s most of their content or they don’t tag. Don’t go searching tags. Follow blogs you trust. Quietly block anyone who annoys you. You don’t need to engage in arguments on something you disagree with; you can block users and, if you really need to get something off your chest, make new posts about it on your own blog, in your own space. Turn off anon asks if you think you might be harassed for your opinions; restrict private messages to only blogs you follow.

I’d strongly advise not engaging in discourse and arguments with people who disagree with you. Block, make new posts on your blog if you must talk, reblog folks who are making points that resonate with you. You don’t have to convince the world of what you know or how wrong they are. You don’t have to engage in activism here. Just block and move on. Getting yourself caught up in arguments with people who aren’t disposed to hearing you will only cause more stress and harm to you. Some people can constantly engage in discourse without losing themselves in anger and aggression, but I’m not one of them, and I suspect you’re like me in this regard. Our activism is healthiest for us when directed into community building and validation, not fighting those who won’t listen.

Likewise, you can prepare for any self-care you need should the above fail. Have go-to media like books, films and music you need to distract yourself. Have a list of activities you enjoy that you know that calm you and work through them. If you have a friend or two you can trust to talk with you or distract you, contact them. If this is in your ability, go outside, go for a walk, go to the shops--away from your computer or phone. Watch a YouTube craft video and attempt to follow it. Play games. Write unrelated fanfiction. Keep a list of Calming Things You Can Do by your desk and on your phone, and work to develop a habit of reaching for that list when even slightly overwhelmed or stressed. Again, this is an area where a mental health professional will help you in identifying and using the interests and tools you already have to cope, particularly in working with your own interests and needs, so if you can’t put this into action on your own, this is another sign that you need a psychologist or therapist on Team You.

It’d be irresponsible of me not to suggest that you, and any other aro-spec who feels this way, seek professional support. That you’re turning towards me says you’re not currently getting what it is you need elsewhere, offline and off. That’s not a criticism on you: you deserve to be supported. It’s in no way a crime to want someone to help shore you up in the face of dismissal, erasure, antagonism and hate; it’s in no way a crime to want support from a fellow community member in the face of the antagonism we are so often dealt.

But right now, I do believe–again, as a person with severe anxiety myself–that you’re in need of professional support to cope with the things you’re finding difficult, much more support than I am ethically able to provide. I know first-hand that finding good mental health care is far from easy for many of us, but if anything is available to you, I hope you’ll consider seeking it out.

[agentexmachina]

Ace-friendly Stucky Fic Recs

This is just a compilation of my favorite asexual-inclusive and sex-free Stucky fics.

A Life in the Middle by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (T | 9,259); Asexual Steve Rogers, Aromantic Bucky Barnes; Warning: brief masturbation

Shield Industries wanted a mural to brighten the foyer of their building. When Steve took the job he was expecting a paycheque and some name recognition, not a crush he knew was deepening into something more.

Bucky was a little annoyed to get stuck riding herd on the artist Shield hired. He was building security 2IC; he didn't have time to stand around and watch someone paint, but it was the CEO's pet project, so watch he would. He wasn't expecting to wind up taking a lot of cold showers. He wasn't expecting to make a friend, maybe the best friend he'd ever had.

Neither of them expected to get attached. Neither of them expected to want the other. Problem is their wants don't align: Steve's asexual, Bucky's aromantic, and nothing's ever going to change that. But love doesn't have to mean sex, romance is only one kind of love, and if two people of good heart want it badly enough maybe they can make a life in the middle.

Scéal by HunterPeverell (G | 3,768); Asexual Steve Roger, Asexual Bucky Barnes

The thing was—The thing was, neither of them were broken. Apart, they were whole. Together they were whole, too. They could be who they were together and knew the other would love them regardless. They could feel complete in a world that told them they were broken and whisper to one another in the safety of the dark, saying, “I love you,” and know it to be true.

Rogers & Barnes: Partners by triedunture (T | 10,510); Asexual Steve Rogers

Steve and Bucky have to pose as a couple for a mission. Nat insists it really is the only option. She's checked.

The complication: unbeknownst to even Natasha, Steve and Bucky's friendship has been rocky ever since Bucky confessed his tender feelings and Steve left him out in the cold. Can asexual, completely-in-love-with-his-angry-best-friend Steve complete the mission and win Bucky's heart?

(The answer is yes. Yay!)

Under Ice by fmo (G | 4,209); Asexual Relationship

'Steve goes to find Fury, who also says no before Steve can get a word out. “It’s not gonna work, Cap,” Fury says. “I know you like rescuing people, but he’s a Soviet assassin with a worm in his brain and he’s in the safest place he can be.”

“I just want to talk to him,” Steve says. “Clint says he might even be close to my age. I think it would be healthy for me to talk to someone who shared an experience like mine,” he adds, deploying his best 2014 talk with almost total sincerity.

Fury narrows his eye at Steve. “Really,” he says.'

Or: despite everyone's best efforts, the thing that seems to cheer up Sad Cap the most is talking to the amnesiac assassin in the cell downstairs. And, even stranger, seems like Cap's actually managing to charm the Winter Soldier into chatting with him like a normal person.

[Not canon with the Winter Soldier film.]

Fuzz Therapy by machine_dove, Sproings (T | 9,573); Asexual Steve Rogers

It took a lot to get Bucky out of his apartment these days.  The kittens were a decent enticement, but the smartass volunteer he met at the shelter was an even better incentive.

Item One by cheesethesecond (G | 2,525); Asexual Bucky Barnes

Bucky was never actually Steve's boyfriend. No one bothers to explain this to Bucky. Bucky acts accordingly.

Head Over Heels by Akru899 (T | 30,819); Asexual Steve Rogers

It's the last day of Summer '88, and the last thing James Buchanan Barnes expected to see was the scrawny kid from school at an AIDS protest. When he sees the kid get punched out, however; well, that's a call to action.

A mostly sugary-sweet 80's AU, complete with track athlete Bucky, shy, skinny artist Steve, Supportive Friend Natasha, and best-mother-in-the-world Sarah Rogers.

Balance by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (T | 62,058); Demiromantic Asexual Bucky Barnes

Bucky had heard of Hydra. Everyone had heard of Hydra: they were the unicorn hunters down near the border. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was get mixed up with hunters, but he was out of options. Hydra hunted unicorns, hunters needed virgins, and that was about the only thing Bucky had left to sell. If that’s what it took to get his mom and sister out of their dying town he'd do it.

Indentured to Hydra, deep in the wilds of the hunting preserve, far from the life he’d known and responsible for luring unicorns to their deaths, Bucky had never been more alone.

Until he met the Warden.

Wardens enforced the hunting laws, had done ever since the country had nearly torn itself apart over the discovery that unicorns--beloved creatures, conduits to the gods above--could be turned into powerful magical devices.  Under Steve’s eagle eye Hydra didn’t get away with anything and he was a constant presence, watching over the hunts. But Steve didn’t treat Bucky like a hunter. Steve genuinely seemed to care about him. Steve was always there when Bucky needed him and suddenly Bucky wasn’t so alone.

Special Snowflakes by Carmilla DeWinter (miladys_revenge) (T | 7,345); Asexual Steve Rogers, Aromantic Bucky Barnes

Once upon a time, when people assumed he and Bucky were a couple, it ended in black eyes and broken noses. Times have changed, gay people now get their own flags, parades and even marriage. But the assumption still doesn't, for the life of him, make sense.

Sam just shrugs. “Don't look at me like that, man. I was kinda certain you two would announce your engagement as soon as you'd gotten over your hang-ups.”

But - “We like women.”

Sorta.

Lightning by nightmaresinwintah (T | 19,607); Aromantic Asexual Steve Rogers, Aromantic Asexual Bucky Barnes

Bucky stares at him, incredulous. He doesn’t speak. He knows - he knows. He knows what that means.

“What does that mean? The Latin words,” Bucky asks quietly, barely noticing his voice trembling. His very energy is vibrating - his flesh hand is shaking from where he’s gripping the phone a little too hard. There’s something fizzing in the air between them - he feels like he knows the answer to his own question already.

Steve hesitates. “Particeps anima. Soul sharer,” he mutters, casting his eyes to the floor, unable to meet Bucky’s gaze.

Or; Steve’s a witch, Bucky’s not, and they share a soul.

Not for a Lack of Sweetness by Caledfwlch (orphan_account) (G | 1,387); Asexual Bucky Barnes, Aromantic Asexual Natasha Romanov

Bucky and Natasha have a chat.

Verdant by Zethsaire (M | 1,643); Asexual Steve Rogers, Asexual Bucky Barnes

Most of the other Avengers had difficulty understanding it; both why Bucky would seek comfort that way from Steve when he didn't allow anyone else within five feet of him, and also why Steve let the man who'd nearly killed him sit in his lap like a puppy.

(Asexual gardener Bucky)

Under the Skin by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (T | 18,445); Asexual Steve Rogers, Asexual Bucky Barnes

"Brooklyn, like I said," he replied, taking Steve's hand and shaking it, then he paused, tilted his head, and said, "Actually, since you're staff? It's Bucky."

"Bucky," Steve repeated, feeling oddly touched.

 "Always Brooklyn in front of the clients, though," he added seriously.

 "No, of course," Steve promised. "Good to meet you."

 "You too," he said, glancing down to where Steve was still holding his hand.

 Steve let go with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

Working in a brothel wasn't somewhere Steve ever expected to find himself, but then he'd never expected to quit his shitty corporate hell-job to apprentice as a tattoo artist. Great as it was, his apprenticeship didn't come with a pay cheque, so eating and keeping a roof over his head meant finding a job that paid actual money. Which was how he'd ended up as the night receptionist in a brothel, accidentally holding Bucky's hand, with no idea Bucky was going to turn out to be something else he'd never expected.

Aces and Kings by riviere (T | 10,062); Asexual Steve Rogers

After SHIELD falls and Steve finds Bucky, he hangs up his uniform and takes a long-needed break from Captain America so he can just be Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, Tony convinces Bucky to get a therapy dog in order to help him adjust to his newfound Regular Citizen Life™. As the weeks go by, both Steve and Bucky struggle to deal with their own problems while trying to piece their glass relationship back together without stepping on the shards.

[massagersspot-blog]

5 Dangers Of Deep Tissue Massage!

In case you're searching for a post that dives over deep tissue back rub benefits, this isn't it. Today, I adopt a totally extraordinary strategy. Today we'll take a gander at the threats of profound tissue rub, and explicitly:

What happens when things turn out badly?

What are a portion of the unfriendly symptoms related with this back rub type?

Try not to stress however, despite everything I cherish me some profound tissue and that will never show signs of change. That being stated, the reason for this post is basically to give understanding and teach!

The 5 Dangers Of Deep Tissue Massage!

It's critical to take note of that the 5 risks introduced here may not all be appropriate to you explicitly. Continuously counsel with your doctor before starting a back rub routine!

#1 Risk Of Fracture

In the event that there's one thing I've found out about back rub, it's that each advisor has a somewhat unique system and style. This isn't to imply that an all around prepared specialist can't change his/her method to suit a customer's needs. Yet, that is not really the issue!

The issue emerges when unnecessary weight is applied to a patient's body!

What's more, when over the top weight is applied, crack is surely a probability. Is it an embellishment? Not as I would see it, no.

There is uplifting news, be that as it may. The odds of getting a crack from profound tissue work is moderately low. Most advisors today are all around prepared, and guaranteed. In any case, now and again the reason for crack has nothing to do with the advisor… .it could be on the grounds that a patient neglected to make reference to a current ailment (Osteoporosis for instance). Ace tip: unveil everything!

#2 Tissue Tears

In Paul Ingraham's post titled "The Pressure Question In Massage Therapy", he talks around 3 kinds of torment: great, awful, and revolting. As indicated by Paul, revolting agony is what is brought about by excessively over the top weight. It's the degree of agony that can bring about harm (source: The Pressure Question In Massage Therapy). I reference Paul's article since it uncovered an outstanding legend in the back rub industry:

The fantasy of no torment, no addition!

A few specialists are never going to budge on the no agony, no increase guideline. In the event that it doesn't hurt, it's not powerful. This kind of outlook can be extremely tricky for various reasons:

It can accomplish more mischief than advantage—Too much weight can cause significant issues, for example, tissue tears, cracks (as talked about above), and cut off wounding.

It detracts from the experience—Unless your concept of unwinding includes enduring 1 hour of horrendous pulling, pulling, and squeezing!

There's clearly a lot more reasons why excessively intemperate weight is terrible, yet I won't experience them here. I recommend you look at Paul's article (connected above) for more data. He shares some extremely intriguing accounts of individuals who've had bad dream back rub encounters!

#3 Blood Clots

On the off chance that you experience the ill effects of blood clumps, it's significant you address your primary care physician and advisor before doing profound tissue work. The thinking behind this is profound tissue back rub may constrain a blood coagulation to break free and travel in the circulation system, and this can prompt genuine medical problems.

I know, who would've thought right!?

Try not to trust me? Look at this article titled "When Is Massage Dangerous?" from Dr. Andrew Weil. As you experience every one of these tips, you most likely notice a common topic: address your primary care physician in advance, and reveal everything to your specialist! Ideally you would now be able to see that it is anything but an exercise in futility.

#4 Deep Tissue Massage and Cancer

In my post titled "multiple times you shouldn't get a back rub", I talked about how Cancer patients should look for restorative counsel before starting back rub. In any case, why? What are the threats of profound tissue back rub to disease patients?

Tragically, it's hard to have a solitary answer apply no matter how you look at it!

There's a legend flowing that recommends destructive cells and tumors can break down and spread quicker by means of lymph liquid when exposed to profound tissue weight. In light of my exploration, I see that there is next to no fact to this. The Canadian Cancer Society mirrors this in their article about back rub treatment (source: Canadian Cancer Society). The equivalent has likewise been noted on the Cancer Council Australia site. You can look at that article by clicking here. Still don't trust me? Watch the video underneath (all credit to Live Sonima).

In any case, that doesn't mean profound tissue knead explicitly is 100% totally ok for all malignant growth patients. For those with malignant growth that has spread deep down, profound tissue can possibly break or crack bone (source: Canadian Cancer Society).

See, I'm no specialist so I can't offer therapeutic guidance!

The main counsel I can offer is to counsel with your oncologist/specialist in case you're anticipating getting a profound tissue rub. Try not to think about this guidance while taking other factors into consideration!

#5 If Done Incorrectly, It Results In A Negative Experience!

Whenever done appropriately, profound tissue knead feels extraordinary as well as staggeringly helpful. The issues happen when specialists mistakenly misuse the procedure. Prior on, I addressed how over the top weight can raise a wide range of ruckus from breaks to tissue tears, yet there's another issue:

A solitary negative encounter may totally change a person's impression of profound tissue knead!

What's more, that is a major issue, in light of the fact that there truly is so much good that can emerge out of profound tissue knead. Try not to trust me? Do a speedy google search, and read up on the advantages. To me the greatest of the 5 perils of profound tissue back rub is this last one, essentially in light of the fact that an ever increasing number of individuals are more averse to encounter the advantages on the off chance that they've had an awful encounter first time round. If you are looking for more information about deep tissue massage.